Friday, February 10, 2012

Will It Ever Happen to Me?

That is a question that makes its way into my mind at least once a day. Sometimes it’s a more pessimistic variant (e.g. “this will never happen to me”) that haunts my day. It’s somewhat amusing that I was always confident in many areas of my life. I was a small kid when I decided I was going to live in the United States and, not for a moment, did I give up that goal... and here I am. I told myself I would be a successful career woman, independent, driven, and that I would always strive to be the best in my field. I can indeed say that I do very well for myself and my family.
In my early to mid 20s, in midst of relationship dramas, I have to confess that I had the same approach about marriage. It was unfathomable to me that I would fall madly in love with one man and that man would fall madly in love with me. What are the odds of two people falling in love at the same time?!? It was “never” gonna happen to me so I convinced myself that I didn’t need (or want) to be married anyway. As you read in my original post, it turns out love was in my horizon, and there is a pair of blue eyes that melt my heart every time it looks in my direction. There was a moment right before my wedding, that I looked at the mirror and thought “well, it did happen to me... wow”. What seemed so unachievable felt so natural at that point.
Now as I look around and see a false perceived increase in pregnant women surrounding me, I can’t help but once again ask: “Will it ever happen to me?” Maybe it’s time to convince myself that it can happen to me.
Back to the real world and away from the madness that is my mind, today my temperature spiked to lutheal phase temperatures. Because I had so much insomnia issues this cycle I think fertility friend will not give me crosshairs. Fine by me! I have been doing this for long enough to know when I have ovulated (one of the “perks” of one year trying). Fingers are crossed that the appointment next week will be cancelled. It would be the best late valentine’s day gift God could possibly give me.

CD15 - 1DPO

1 comment:

  1. We just started TTC a few weeks ago and it's so scary to think how assuming humans are. We all assume and are so thrilled when we decide to off BC and then months and months later some people's worst fears are confirmed. It makes me really nervous sometimes! I think of you often as I read your blog and I really hope you get a miracle soon!